Best Laid Plans
I'm sure you've had this happen to you before: you wake up on Monday morning with a long list of items to accomplish and by the end of the day, not one of those items has seen the light of day, let alone been accomplished. For the past three months, that has been my life.
It all started with pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel and ended with a newborn baby. Little V was born on January 10th. 6 pounds 2 ounces and 18.25 inches long. She's wonderful and we love her to pieces...but life with a newborn is anything but easy (as most of you know!).
The problem is that I had forgotten what life with a newborn was like. I'd forgotten the sheer magnitude of the exhaustion I'd feel, the stress of not having a moment to even use the restroom - let alone getting a load of laundry done or the sinkful of dishes, the hormonal ups and downs and the tug-of-war of emotions as I try to balance the needs of a newborn with the needs of the rest of the family.
B and M have done amazing - they've welcomed V into the fold like she's always been a part of the family. They want to hold her, feed her, play with her and lately that's been heavenly as I try to get our life back to some semblance of normal. The ten minutes it takes to do that sinkful of dishes, B can walk circles around the kitchen while holding V. The twenty minutes it takes to do a load of laundry (folding, switching and starting a new load), M can feed her a bottle. Little by little we're figuring it out.
And while the housework and other family-related chores are finally getting their due, my writing has taken the back-burner. Emily's Choice hasn't seen the light of day since sometime in December. I wrote two blog posts in January, but none in February (so much for that New Year's resolution!). And as more and more time passes, the pressure I feel to write, increases. I've been dreaming of my stories at night, writing blog posts in my head while I feed the baby (but don't have time to actually write once she's finished eating), worry that I won't ever finish another book...and a new stress is taking the place of the household-related stress of before.
So here I sit, at 4:30 in the morning, writing this blog post. I should be asleep. I've been up since 3:00am. I had to pump and then Little V woke up to eat. She's back to sleep and the house is quiet. A perfect time to write a quick blog post - something I've been wanting to do for weeks. I'd really like to go down to my office and pull out Emily's Choice, but that would take too much time to prepare...and I really need sleep.
I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel and what I should be doing is basking in the newborn glow, which for the most part I do. She's our last and I cherish every day with her. My writing will be there when it's time to pick it up again and in the meantime - blog posts and short stories will most likely be my creative outlet. And until I have a new book for you, I hope you'll enjoy my posts and stories.
Until next time! xoxo