I was reading through some old blog posts and I came across the one I wrote when I finished To Love Twice. In it I described the emotions I was feeling, calling them a "kaleidescope" of emotions. It struck me because I do not recall having those same emotions when I finished writing Back to December. In fact, all I felt was relief and a giddy sense of "Thank God it's not my problem anymore" as I hit send and sent it off to my beta readers. All this gets me wondering about the emotions we go through as writers. Not just in writing our masterpieces, but also the surrounding emotions as we go through all the phases of creation.
There's the excitement when a new idea comes to us, and the urge to spend all of our waking (and sometimes non-waking) moments with the idea. Then there's flagging enthusiasm when you write yourself into a corner, or your characters stop communicating with you. Which then leads to avoidance until you can move on to happiness when you've figured out how to get around the issues. And for most, a bittersweet moment when the story is finished and you get to type "The End."
Of course, there's a whole slew of emotions that engulf us as we write - the emotions of our characters and what they are going through as we write their story. Fear, sadness, elation, joy, ecstasy, anger, hate, love...the list is endless, as is our capacity to feel them. Even our own emotions as we write - all writing contains a piece of the writer's heart.
As I get to the end of Emily's Choice and a step closer to sending it off to my beta readers, I have to say all I'm feeling now is impatience. I have three ideas sitting on the back burner that I want to get to. With NaNoWriMo 30 days away, my mind is focusing more on what project I want to work on than finishing the one I'm currently up to my eyeballs in. I'm so invested in this story though, that I want to make sure it's done correctly, before I send it off. I've given myself a deadline, which is helping me to focus and get it done. I want to send it off to beta readers on Halloween so I can start November with a clear desk and a blank Scrivener page.
I wonder if it will always be like this? I hope not. I feel as though the best writing gets done when you are happy and engrossed in the story you're telling, not when you're impatient and ready to move on. I feel like things get missed, loose ends are tied up and the two-year old who's a part of your story suddenly starts speaking like a ten-year old.